It’s that time of the year. The holidays. Gift giving time. Are you thinking about getting someone a sexy gift? Not sure where to start? Sexy gifts include a number of different options. I think of them in three main types: sensual gifts, experience gifts, and sex toy gifts.

Sensual gifts

These gifts emphasize luxury, touch and, frequently, self care. Massage oil, bath oil, candles, feather ticklers, satin sheets—these things feel good because they are centered around intentional touch and stimulating skin. Our skin is the biggest organ on our body. It’s incredibly sensitive. Our skin is also a big part of how we interact with the world—shaking hands, rubbing shoulders on the bus, a scratchy scarf around our neck. But, much of the touch we encounter isn’t centered on pleasure. Creating space where our skin is only for pleasure can be dazzling. When purchasing sensual gifts, spend as much or as little as you want. You can even learn to make your own massage oil (check out Youtube for some tutorials).

Experience gifts

Experience gifts are sexy because they are centered around listening to your partner and providing them with an experience that is all about them — a gift that is all about their desires, their needs, and their dreams. Experience gifts, when done right, make a person feel seen, heard, and desired. What’s sexier than that?

When shopping for an experience gift, think about the things that mean the most to your partner. Is it spending a morning alone hiking? Or spending an evening with their friends? Maybe it’s getting to sleep an entire night through without being woken up by the kids. The experience doesn’t need to be something you do together. Creating time for your partner to be alone can be especially important in a long term relationship. Mystery is sexy. Creating a little space for that mystery to breathe can bring air and fire to your passion.

Experience gifts are often not directly related to sex. Frequently, they’re about what I call “the sex bank.” The sex bank is that part of your mind that decides if you’re interested in sex. You make deposits in your partner’s sex bank when you take out the trash, hand over the remote, or buy the Fire Hot Cheetos that you hate but your partner loves. You make withdrawals when you’re not nice, or you neglect your partner or things they care about. When you keep the sex bank full, your partner wants to have sex with you, desires having sex with you, and will turn off their phone, dim the lights, walk over legos to have sex with you.

Sex toy gifts

These gifts are tools. They are able to provide stimulation in a way that is either difficult or impossible to do with a body. A vibrator can stimulate nerve endings at an intensity that’s simply not possible from a tongue, finger, or penis. Dildos are made in a wide variety of shapes and sizes. Want something small one minute, something bigger the next? Dildos can give you that. Wrist restraints help someone stay still while leaving a partner free to provide extra stimulation. Adding a sex toy opens up worlds of possibilities.

Which toy should you get? That’s all up to you and your partner. Are either of you open to trying something new? What kind of thing might they be interested in? Sex educators at a sex positive store, like Sugar, will be able to guide you to exactly what you need. And regardless of what genitals you all have, a good vibrator and a bottle of lube can go a long way to creating one hell of a good night.

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